IF ONLY I had a pound for every baby related question after our wedding, damn I would be a rich women. I would have stayed in Koh Samui longer for sure! Within days, no wait, hours of getting married, we were asked what our plans for children were. I vaguely remember being asked at our bloody wedding ( I was a tad tipsy so that’s why it’s vague! )
Why is it expected babies will be immanent?
I know with every stage in your life, there is always an interest as to when you will take the next step. You know, been together a while, when you moving out? Living together…when you getting engaged? Got engaged…when’s the wedding? Married and well, when are you popping out babies. Just the fact of life yeah?
But honestly, what is with it? I LOVE that people clearly care and take interest in our lives, but what, what if we didn’t want children? What if we were struggling to have them? Why do we already have to be thinking of the next thing, when we have ONLY just landed on this lily pad? Is there something wrong with sitting still for just a little while?
There is a constant belief that we should thinking one or two steps ahead, and by George we should, just not all the time! Getting married is a hugeee commitment. It’s one that took months to even organise. We have only just got over the day and bloody ‘ell Brenda, you already want to talk kids!
I find it incredibly frustrating that we are programmed to believe that everything is a step to ‘success’. Whether it be relationship wise, career paths or everything else. It was only when I started on the relationship ladder, so to speak, that I started to realise that it’s something we ALL think. It’s almost like, nothing is every good enough!
I’m not just talking babies, I’m talking life. The step you just conquered, yeah that’s greattt but babe, it’s not good enough!
STOP being so hard on yourself, and each other, and expecting the next thing right after you achieved the last. What happened to sitting back and relishing in what you already have?
What’s your point Charlotte?
Whilst it may just seem like I’m having a go, I’m not. There is a point to this post!
All in all, my little blast isn’t me saying piss off with the baby comments ( they will always come, whatever I say ), just piss off with the expectation that now I have tackled one thing, I will be straight onto the next!
We ALL guilty of this little assumption, in every walk of life, and for our own mental health, it needs to cease. There is no rush on life. No competition. No right way of doing things. Just because you have tackled the latest thing off, doesn’t mean you have to start right away on the next. You do you. And no one else.
I have often voiced my opinion to fellow friends and colleagues and we are all in agreement. Within friendship groups and circles of family, there is the competition of life. Who can buy a property first. Who can pass their driving test the quickest. Who gets married and starts a family before all the rest.
And whilst many would hate to admit it, most of us do look over one to many times at what others are doing, and question our very own path. Heck I used to a lot, especially when I was at university. Question is, Why do we even care what everyone else our age is doing? Why do we even care what our parents did when they were married? That’s for them!
This whole ‘on to the next step‘ plays right into that. We are sooo wrapped up in what everyone else is doing, what our elders did and what is expected to be ‘successful’, we forget what is right for us, or what we really want!
All in all, I have stopped looking over, back or too anyone else for what they are doing and what I should be. I am doing me. We are doing us. Do what’s right for you and no one else. If we want to be married for 10 years before we consider sprogs, so be it. ps. you can ask those poxy questions all you like, just admit that sometimes not everyone does the ‘usual’ timeline of events.
Am I just rambling on on this one?
Do you get questions after questions?
Why do you think we all cling onto the next ‘step’?
Get a conversation started in the comment section below.