Stop tryna find the one – Do this instead!

Happy Valentines Day! And what a day to celebrate you, the single women! Since everyone seems to be getting all kinda romantic, I thought this post is necessary for those singletons who are FED UP with feeling like they need to be on the hunt for the one.

Speaking from experience, our society makes us believe we can’t be happy unless we are in a committed and loving relationship. And that’s just utter bulls**t.

As a married women, I may come across all hypocritical, but honestly, focusing on anything other than finding someone can be truly empowering. I mean, think of all the things you could accomplish if you stopped trying to find the one. And what about all those things you could be doing and positive impact it can have on finding that soul mate!

So, here’s everything you should be doing, rather than hunting!

Prioritize friends and family

Being a single, independent soul gives you time to enjoy your own company, and others around you. Spend more time with the people you love. Organise a girls night, visit your parents more and hang out with your siblings.

Investing in these relationships will strengthen your support system, and every strong person needs a good one!

Grow personally

This is the perfect time for you to settle, find yourself and grow personally. Really find out what and who you like. Find time to reflect and work on yourself. Allow yourself to love who you are, and work on the bits you want to change.

Get into activities that you always wanted to ( like a Zumba Class ) and go and meet new people. Work on skills and get a hobbie and you will be surprised to what it will do to your confidence and self worth.

Being a confident and independent individual will attract like minded people and that’s just the person you want as the one!

Focus on your health

Working and improving your health doesn’t have to be time consuming or hard work ( you may just start yoga or writing a blog ). You just want to tune into your body and everything it needs, including physical and mental work.

Embrace healthy living and start eating more fruit and veg and getting a little more active. Work on your mental well being with journals, meditation and general time outs.

Boss Babe

Need some confidence? Want to radiate success? Be the boss at work and all that will just shine on through. Focusing on your career and job prospects isn’t only a great distraction, it’s a great way to excel, exceed and push yourself.

A career is something no-one can take away from you, so go get it, before the one gets in the way!

Love springs up on you when you least expect it, so park the idea and just live life for you. Work on yourself and what you want to achieve, and the one will pop round the corner like a perfectly timed bus.

Balancing your Friendship & Relationship

Relationships and friendships are hardddddddddd. Its even harder balancing the books and keeping your friends and other half happy.
There is nothing worse then being branded with the:  ‘you’re always with your boyfriend’, and its even worse when your boyfriend ‘never sees you’ because you’re always with your girls.

I’d be lying if I said its easy to strike the right balance, but once you do, everything works wonders.

Read : Dealing with being dumped

Firstly : make time for yourself!

Its easy to forget about yourself when you are so busy worrying about everyone else, so take some time, whether that be running a bath, reading a book, catching up on your latest tv series or even having a nap. Keeping up to date with you is vital to maintain other healthy relationships.

Secondly : make date nights

I swear by date nights. They are a great way to make a night for just you and your man. Go to your favorite restaurant, see the film you’ve been dying to see or to keep it within budget, cook a romantic meal and snuggle on the sofa. Keep phones at bay and make time for just each other.

Thirdly : girlie evenings on the regular

Just like date nights, make a evening for just you and your girls. Gossip, catch up and do all things girly. Nights out and drinks can make a perfect getaway for you and your girls. and keep phones and boyfriends out of it.

Fourthly : don’t be afraid to mix friends and boyfriend

Some couples will go out together and some don’t. Every couple is different and would rather not mix friends and boyfriend. But don’t be afraid to mix your two circles. If you want to feel more comfortable with your relationships, mix and mingle your friends, boyfriend and his friends. It can be a easy way to kill two birds with one stone, and make your friends more understanding and accepting of your relationship.

Remember: If he’s kicking off when you spend time with friends, make him realize this is time for him to spend time with his fiends and family. If your boyfriend is spending too much time with his friends and not you, the balance isn’t there – maybe he doesn’t have his priorities right? I believe your true friends aren’t the ones you have to see every day, and will still maintain a good friend. If yours demand too much time and don’t support your relationship – maybe they’re not true friends.

Remain: Truthful. Tell your other half and friends you are trying and they should be supportive and helpful in helping you strike the best balance for them as well as yourself.

Read : The signs of relationship manipulation

Dealing with being dumped.

Its not unusual to hear of someone getting dumped. Someone in the relationship ends it, and sometimes its not you. It hurts yes, and even though you feel like your the only one going through it, you’re not. I’ve been there, and it sucked.

Whilst this isn’t my usual topic, I’ve often been asked how I dealt with it, so I thought, why not blog about it. I am a example of how being dumped isn’t the end of the world, and can infact make you a hell of a lot stronger.

So if you recently went through a break-up and wondering how on earth you’ll get over it, trust me, you can!

Realise its probably for the best

 When its not your decision, its hard to see why it would be for the best. But see the true reasons the relationship didn’t work, and you’ll probably end up kicking yourself you didn’t end it.

Its not the end of the world 

It may feel like it, and it will for a couple of weeks, but the end of this relationship is not the end of the world. Remember you had a life before them, and you will after. Take this time to find yourself again and focus on what matters, you!

You’re not going to be 40 and single!  

Someone said to me, whilst I was crying my eyes out, no-one ever is single at 20 and stays single for the rest of their adult life. And its true. If you found someone before, you’ll find someone again, and chances are they’ll be a whole lot better than the last! Stop panicking you’ll never find anyone else, and focus on having

Learn to see the positives 

It may have come to a end, but it doesn’t mean you now have to hate that person, and if you’re the grown up you want to be, learn to see the positives of the relationship. Take the negatives and learn from them like any other. Remember the good times, but also the bad and realise what you want from your next relationship.D

Don’t contact them

They’ll probably say they still want friendship, and to keep in contact, and even maybe hook up from time to time for ‘old times sake’. But I can’t stress enough, cut all contact!! Truth is, hardly anyone stays friends with their ex, and when they do, its probably because it didn’t end as messy. Cut all ties, delete their number, block them on facebook, unfollow on twitter and delete snap chat. You don’t need any contact with them, nor their friends. Better still, its nice knowing you have no idea what their doing, and they don’t know either.

Go and have fun, but DON’T DO ONE NIGHT STANDS! 

Get your glad rags on and go out with friend by all means. Get some attention that you’ve had to warn off for god knows how long and feel good about yourself. BUT, If you heard that one night stands are the best way to get over your ex, you probably heard it from a guy, who has never had a decent relationship and has no idea what love even is.  Its not the answer. It makes you feel good for a split second, but waking up to a stranger is far from the feel good factor you need.

Surround yourself with friends and family and learn what you enjoy best. 

Being in a relationship for a long time can cast shadows over what you enjoy. You’ve spent most of your time with one person, you haven’t had time for yourself doing what you enjoy for a long time. Take this time to re-establish your hobbies, find new enjoyment and surround yourself with friends and family. Those are the relationships that don’t change.

Remember you are loveable…. 

You might have been dumped, but hopefully the steps above have not only told you of some dos and donts, but that you are loveable and there is a better future. There is someone out there for you, and the last just wasn’t it and above all, a learning curve. You have to kiss some frogs before you meet your prince.

P.S – watch new girl if you haven’t, a good feel good series to make you realise the end of a relationship can be the start of something better.

So if you’ve been dumped, or just coming to the end of a relationship and are struggling to deal with it, I hope these points have been a little help to make you feel better.

Remember you’re not alone and there are friends and family that will support you.

Don’t forget who you are and you’ll be happier than ever in no time.